Battle Royale: June 2022
This month’s matchup: Netflix vs. A quiet Midwest field.
In the red corner: Netflix, the pioneering movie rental and streaming service. Here’s what it has to say:
"I am the leader in global streaming entertainment. I serve people of all ages, and as of April 2022, I offer 17,000 titles worldwide. That’s more than Hulu and Peacock put together, so suck it you guys. But let me get serious for a minute: my mission is to provide best-in-class content for you and your 7 billion neighbors on earth. Period. You want gun battles? I’ve got thousands. Sophomoric humor? Move closer to your TV and I’ll blow your mind. Documentaries about dolphins? Oh yes. Documentaries about dolphins in gun battles? I’m working on it. Whether you want to laugh, cry, learn, forget, vegetate, masturbate, I’ve got you covered 24/7/365 baby, ‘cause I am your horizontal rectangular friend. Maybe your best friend. And someday, if you’ll do me the honor: your only friend. Netflix out. PEACE!"
In the blue corner: a quiet field somewhere in the Midwest of the United States, on an evening in June. Here’s what this little prairie has to say:
Hear that? That’s the Common Nightingale, with its distinct, fluctuating song. And.. wait… that high, reedy voice underneath? That’s a Pine Warbler. See its yellow markings?
The wind is picking up a little. It’s a warm evening. I’m glad you’re here, seated in the tall grass with me. It’s been almost an hour, motionless, waiting. Your breathing is deep and slow, your senses alert.
What’s this? A silver “V” rippling across the pond’s surface in the golden light? A muskrat, headed home after a day’s foraging. It’ll have a new family soon, as will the ducks and deer. When you come back next time, I’ll be alive with activity.
Oop, you have a ladybug friend on your knee. Hi ladybug.
This is nice, isn’t it?"
Picked a winner? Email us at -- info @ theraccoonsociety.com -- and we'll post the winner in next month's issue.